I’ll be knocking on the golden door…

My time coming, any day, don’t worry ’bout me, no
Been so long I felt this way, ain’t in no hurry, no
Rainbows end down that highway where ocean breezes blow
My time coming, voices saying, they tell me where to go

Don’t worry bout me, no no, don’t worry bout me, no
And I’m in no hurry, no no no, I know where to go.

California, preaching on the burning shore
California, I’ll be knocking on the golden door
Like an angel, standing in a shaft of light
Rising up to paradise, I know I’m gonna shine

My time coming, anyday, don’t worry bout me, no
It’s gonna be just like they say, them voices tell me so
Seems so long I felt this way and time sure passin’ slow
Still I know I lead the way, they tell me where I go

— From Estimated Prophet, by John Perry Barlow and Bob Weir

After 30 years away from my home state of California, marooned on the East Coast, I recently decided to move back to the Golden State.  This decision has required me to uproot my life as I’m currently living it, including my job and my disintegrating marriage of 25 years. I am at peace with my decision and its consequences, both joyous and painful.  Just as a forest fire burns away the dead wood, making the redwoods healthier and stronger, I need to destroy some parts of my current existence if I’m ever going to change.

My return to California is more than geographical.  I am completely reevaluating my life, shedding the guilt and self-doubt that have kept me chained to someone else’s ideas of whom I should be.  Nearly every life decision I have made since I was 17 was colored or influenced by the explicit or implicit expectations of others or of “society” in general.  I had allowed myself to become trapped in an existence which was not really mine, and I had let my fire for life fade to a few glowing embers buried deep inside.  That has all changed and I have renewed my passion, but I will wait until another post to tell you how and why.

This blog will chronicle my physical and emotional journey back to being a healthy, relaxed, passionate, happy, and contented California resident.  In future posts, I’ll discuss where I came from, where I became lost, how I’m finding my way home, and whom I have met and still will meet along the way,

I thank you for your interest, and I welcome your comments.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s